Confessions of a Blog-Stalker

“Hello, my name is Megan, and I’m a blog stalker.”

“Hello, Megan.”

Alright, let’s get started…..

It’s a problem, I know. I could spend hours a day reading blogs online. There are just so many GREAT bloggers out there [naturally, most of them are women =) ]. I love reading about other people’s lives, especially those in ministry. I can relate to these women, gain wisdom from them, and of course, laugh at their lives without them knowing =) But, as much as I like these blogs, I’ve found that reading them has had a definite effect on my own blogging.

I have actually had a lot of fun blogging lateley about silly things; Smoker’s lung & basketball, Bubble baths, my little sister etc. I’ve become more consistent, and I really enjoy the writing aspect of putting my thoughts down on, well, screen.

But, as much as I have enjoyed blogging, and blog stalking, I find myself trapped in this ever familiar struggle. Again.

Comparison.

I’m guilty of it so much more than I would like to admit. Fighting it takes a second-by-second focus. Thoughts run through my head about my ineptness or inadequacy compared to all these other women with unbelievable blogging talent. It stops me from writing about my heart, opinions, and passions. It stops me from writing seriously, because I only see myself falling short.

And don’t let me fool you into thinking that this stops in the blog realm of my life. This ugliness of comparison has shown it’s face in nearly every single area of my life:

Appearance. I believe the lie that other women are made so much more beautifully than myself. Comparing my body to other women I see is so second nature that I hardly recognize it anymore. My mind runs away with itself leaving me feeling ugly, ashamed of how I look.

Leadership. I don’t see the abilities God has given me to size up with other women in ministry. Why would someone want to follow me? How on earth could I impact a girl’s life for the gospel? I might as well refer her to someone else, for her own sake; so she can grow and get the best direction.

There are so many other realms of my life that I struggle comparing and measuring up to others. So often I think that if I tell anyone about this, I’ll be looked at differently, judged, not trusted. So I hide. I hide in my struggle and keep my emotions in the dark, in the dark where the lies grow stronger.

A good friend reminded me recently that it’s so hard to make progress or believe the truth over the lies when you aren’t telling anyone about it. In all this, the Lord has been so gracious to me in putting women in my life who continue to speak truth to me, and remind me of who the Lord says I am. I am sooooooo thankful for these women, and continue to process with them and the Lord daily.

So here’s to blogging, and blog stalking, and being content with yourself exactly how the Lord fashioned you before the beginning of the word.

Take a look at my James 5:16 hotties – “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

Lindsey Rapp- Jesus is the only reason we're friends =)

Badger Women (Long Story)...Satan is a fiduciary!

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To squeeze or not to squeeze?

This week Nate and I get to pack our bags, buy our Polar Pops, and travel to Kentucky (insert clapping, congratulations, and man-slaps on the back here) . We’re going to the beautiful area where I grew up and then to the Bible College my parents graduated from. While we’re there I get to see basically my 3 sisters from another mother!! I’m super pumped to see them, which has gotten me thinking. Sometimes when I get really excited I start acting like a 3-year old, jumping up and down, waving my hands.  It’s not pretty; there are jazz fingers involved.

So usually, all this excitement gets bundled up into one motion, when I see the person and the moment arrives. You make your way towards them and then it happens. The HUG. I used to go for the ‘squeeze the person so hard they pee a little while spinning them around so they lose all their bearings and can only think of how happy they are to see me for at least 5 seconds’ hug. But, now that I’m older and much more mature, I’m wondering which hug to give when I see them. Do I just add in a little extra squeal and a little less squeeze? Or maybe cut the spinning and go for a squeeze/squeal moment? Do I cut all 3 and show my sophisticated side by going over, under and giving like a soft ‘aaahhh’ sound. I’m just not sure.

Any suggestions on clutch hugs? I’m gonna try super hard to make sure I’m off caffeine and enjoy a calm, but happy greeting, but honestly, I just don’t think it’s going to happen! Wish me luck =)

I Will Praise You In The Line Dance

So this past week I went to this line dancing club called The Dusty – a place I swore that I would never step foot in, and constantly poked fun at the people who were addicted to it’s backyard, country, cowboy boots aura. Anyway…I was baited into coming by my very good and very (similarly to me) uncoordinated friend, Erin Hawkins.

Reluctantly I stepped where no Berkey has gone before me. Into the unknown, the dangerous, the “I hope I make it out alive” culture of  The Dusty. So I bet you’re wondering why I’m posting this =)

Well, those of you who know me know that Line Dancing would not be one of the first things that would pop into your head as a possible strength. I rarely get my left and my right correct so to add kicking and spinning and all kinds of other craziness in the mix is not a good combination. However, for one of my closest friends Lindsey Rapp, this IS her element. This IS her gift. Now Lindsey would not be described as the most coordinated person on the planet (ESPECIALLY athletically)….playing basketball with her is always well, interesting.

But, to everyone who knows Lindsey’s amazement, somehow she has this awesome gift to dance. So as I’m stumbling and running into people and stomping my feet at the wrong time, Lindsey just glides across the floor. She could be standing still one second, and then the next jump into the crowd, perfectly in tune with the music and the steps and spins and all that jazz. When she dances, she just looks right. I don’t know how to describe it, it’s just beautiful. It’s like you’re seeing someone do exactly what they were made to do, exactly what the Lord has gifted them in. And it really is an awesome thing. I could just watch her do those country dances all night because she just explodes with joy and contentment, as if she’s been set free from having to stand still, from the mundane.

What is it for you that shows off your gifts to a tee? What do you just LOVE to do? Whether it’s play basketball, or dance, or cook, or vacuum, or read, or serve, or sing, or just walk….DO IT! So many of us go through life ignoring our passions, what makes us explode with joy. There is a reason that God gave you whatever talent He did and it is not ONLY to please Him, although that is a big part of it, but it is also to enjoy, to use for His kingdom.  My prayer this week is that you find your line dance (as it is for Lindsey) and you do it, you use it for the glory and enjoyment of God and recruitment to His kingdom.

Me attempting to learn what to do

Lindsey dancing at the basketball game

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